Citizenship

Just heard another piano recital tonight. A guy with talent practically oozing out of him. Lots and lots and lots of time spent laboring over details and notes and dynamics and rhythm and phasing and timing and expression and memorization. All of these collaborating to produce just the sound that each piece needs in order to say something. In order to express art at its finest (at least that which we know).

It blows my mind. I can hardly help but let my mind drift into thoughts about my own level of playing and wishing to do more with it. Wishing I could sit down at the piano and treat it like a writer does a journal, or like an athlete views a gymnasium, or a reader inhales a book.

Lately, I've been thinking about how it's easy to feel out of place. In piano seminar, I don't really fit in, because I'm not piano performance; I'm a music therapy major. At church, it's hard to find people that "get" the whole school thing. At school, people don't really "get" the whole church thing, especially my setting. :) I can speak Spanish more than a lot of people I know, but when I'm actually around native-speakers, my words turn to mush and I realize how little I know. There are so many people that I connect with and that love me for who I am, but my own mom can't be here right now, and that hurts. I have friends/family outside of school that I struggle to stay in touch with completely, because of school, but sometimes I'm missing out on school/activities because of the people I know outside of school.

Sigh. At the risk of being truly depressing, I must say I find comfort in the fact that there are probably a lot of people--if not every single person alive--who have felt this way. Not quite at home. Unsure about their talents. Awkward in conversations. Not feeling at a place where they can let who they are really come out. Empty, even. Searching. Lost. In fact, even Jesus Himself when He was on this earth I think must have had some of these feelings. Away from His Father. Younger than the rest of the deep thinkers. Having a group of 12 close disciples who still sometimes let Him down bigtime. Not here for the same reasons as those around Him.

Hmmmm. Once again I'm hit with the fact that there is a reason behind these feelings. This isn't it. This earth is not all there is. Check this out:

But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. -Philippians 3:20-21

I hope this made some sense, and can somehow apply to you right now. Input? Feedback? Pretty please. :)